Sell out

Want to and need to

2011-02-02T23:02:00.002+08:00

Have you ever had an opposite sex whom you were close to but not officially together? You constantly message the person everyday. You want to message him. You want to talk to him everyday. The both of you clearly showed interests towards each other. However, you guys knew that y'all will not end up together. Both of you just want things to remain this way.. You are just going to enjoy his accompany.

And then, this relationship turned out to be a little serious. Jealousy joined in the fun. Slowly, you want to know where he is, what he is eating, what he is doing, what he is thinking, or who he is hanging out with. And he is constantly on your mind. Then you become paranoid. You starts to feel insecure.

Then you started to act crazy and it gets the other person worried. You become quieter and stop being yourself. You keep things to yourself. You are afraid that the other person will find out what you are thinking. Because once he knows, that's it, the whole game is over. Things will become awkward. And you always wonder how much longer can you take because you want something more out of this relationship. You want security, you want assurance.

For my case, it is even worse.

The guy admitted that he was just playing with me in the beginning. He said, "I can't bring myself to be together with you". The reason he gave was that he falls in love easily with other girls. He is afraid of hurting me once he started university. He will meet someone new and fall in love with her. So he doesn't want to be together with me.

BUT,

all these were said to me because he doesn't want me to like him. So he said that to make me aware that I can't get anything serious out from him.

And as times passed by, he finds himself liking me. And he regretted saying those things to me. Because I believed in it and controlled my emotions. I was all prepared that he is going to leave me one day. And we will not be together. It was all too late. I choose to believe that he will fall in love with another girl as soon as he goes to University. Another part of me was insecure. So I choose to avoid this relationship.

I still likes him. And I miss him everyday.

Ex-pected

2010-12-06T00:03:00.002+08:00

Yea. Me and the cabbage boy has not been talking for more than a week already. I guessed everything between us is over. Sorry for not taking initiative. I'm tired.

"sheryl, just let the boys chase you." - Weizhe

hello ego friend

2010-11-21T18:56:00.003+08:00

Its been a longgggg time since I last blogged here. Life the same, but people in my heart changed. In these few months, this special person come and go. The next one came and then broke my heart and left, again. Now, there's this new special person in my life.

We have so many similarities. We're both left handers, we've perfect eyesight. We even like the same kind of food. But things between us are really strange. When we met up, we seldom talk. We will talk to everyone else but not to each other. I don't know if it is that he doesn't bother to talk to me or he is shy like I do. Because from previous experiences, it is usually that the other person just doesn't want to talk to me because they knew that I like them and doesn't want to raise my hope.

However, we always ended up sitting beside/infront of each other naturally. Friends teased us but he doesn't react (maybe he cannot be bothered). Everyone knew that I like him. He also knew because I was very obvious. His friends told me that he is a passive boy and I have to initiate a lot. But I'm only a girl. I have my own ego as well.

Anyway, I bet this will be another fail relationship. It has always been like that for me and I'm already used to it. BAA.

So what happens when a Pisces met a Scorpio?

2010-03-17T03:28:00.003+08:00

I have stay too far away from love. I have not been in a relationship for a long time. Its makes me wonder how do I even start it, what to do in it, and how to maintain it. It has been that long that I've already totally forgotten how and what to do with it.

I've realised that I've always been avoiding love because I know I'd always end up being hurt. I'm not confident of myself, at all. Even if the boy I like, likes me back, I'd still say no to a new relationship. I'm afraid.

I've seen too many break ups around me. Friends. Friend's friends. And the reasons are always expected. I've seen too many jerks around me as well. Guys who want a girl just cos she's pretty. Love has become superficial. Where has all the true love go to? When a guy just fall in love with a nice girl that he feels comfortable with, that he can talks to easily and that he wants to dote and to love her for who she is.

I've heard conversations that guys talk about, and it only makes me certain that guys are just disappointing and sometimes hopeless. But still, I've know a few nice guys around :)

The situations that I am seeing now is that the boy/girl is interested in the other partner because he/she is pretty/handsome. Then they tried to be together and then they'll realised that they are not suitable for each other.

I prefer a love that blossoms out from small chats, teasing, arguments. Because of all these, I fall in love with you.

Its like even if both of them are in silence, they'd still feel very comfortable with each other.

If you don't even understand my silence, you won't understand my words.

How cute

2010-03-17T03:22:00.000+08:00

Failed

2010-03-17T03:20:00.001+08:00

So I sorta kinda like you more than I had like originally planned and stuff...

Sweetness

2010-03-17T03:11:00.002+08:00

Postsecret
"We aren't engaged but I set-up a new Gmail account with his last name."

Moving on

2010-02-11T15:58:00.001+08:00

I’ve never understood the reasoning for someone to move on from a relationship. It's not like you are really going to move on - you are just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that one person every single day until it finally becomes a routine and you don’t notice it anymore. That is, until you see that person again, and then you have to remind yourself again.

2010-02-11T15:55:00.000+08:00

Too many times we put our hearts on the line, hoping that this time, things are going to be different. And too many times, we play the waiting game because we are too afraid of making decisions.

You and Me

2010-02-11T15:50:00.001+08:00

For the first time, in a long time, my life is real. It doesn’t matter who ends up with who, because in some unearthly way, it’s always gonna be you and me.
— Dawson’s Creek

Snow White

2010-02-09T22:31:00.001+08:00

“What if prince charming never showed up? Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woke up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health care package and a baby from her local neighborhood sperm bank? I couldn’t help but wonder… inside every confident, driven, single woman, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved?”
—
Sex and the City

2010-01-28T18:46:00.001+08:00

3 Easiest ways to die:

1. Puff a cig daily
you'll die 10 years earlier.

2. Drink alcohol daily
you'll die 30 years earlier.

3. Love someone who doesn't love you back
you'll die daily

New definition

2010-01-28T18:15:00.002+08:00

After a while, you will learnt the difference between holding hands and falling in love. kisses don't always mean something. Promises can be broken, and goodbyes are sometimes forever.

Fear

2010-01-16T12:10:00.001+08:00

the thing is, no matter wat we tell the boy, he will never say anything, cause he's a guy, and guys likes to play games and makes life difficult. but in the end, he will be too late. ♥

Little secret

2010-01-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

2010-01-07T01:29:00.000+08:00

I keep the texts you send to me cuz I'm afraid that's all I'll have to remember you by.

Stars

2009-11-14T01:59:00.003+08:00

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

Even though we may be looking at the same stars, you can't see the yearn for you on my face.

I miss you.

A lot.

A lot.

- Sheryl

Chick Porn

2009-11-07T16:14:00.004+08:00

“I do know that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life” - Runaway Bride

“I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.” - When Harry Met Sally

“I think I’d miss you even if we’d never met.” - The Wedding Date

“You had me at hello.” - Jerry Maguire

These are all lines from a genre of film I affectionately refer to as… Chick Porn. Why chick porn? Well, when put into context of how we, as women, view “regular porn” as unrealistic portrayals of a man’s idealistic view of a woman, it’s exactly the same.

Chick Porn is a woman’s unrealistic view of an idealized man.

We watch these movies (currently Runaway Bride is playing on my TV) and develop these subconscious expectations of our boyfriends, husbands, or future spouses. When life is less glamorous than breakfast at Tiffany’s, we blame the guy, when really we bring this upon ourselves. I’m not implying we should all swear off romantic comedies and dramas (obviously, I’m watching one even now), but I do think that we should be aware of how they affect us. I know for some friends, this means that they literally cannot watch movies that make them lust after a fictional scenario and for others it means bringing the knowledge of reality to the forefront of their minds and not holding anyone accountable to ridiculous expectations.

Life is not a movie, much to my dismay. You don’t always meet your soul-mate dancing in the rain or on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, but who wants to be in love with a story? The real thing is better.

Never ever

2009-10-24T18:58:00.005+08:00

I met a boy and fell for him fast. We moved fast. Everything was such a rush, everything was perfect, we were so obsessed with each other. He would tell me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He would say “you're amazing” every hour. Except when he said it, it wasn’t just a line, it was the truth. The truth in his eyes. But I had to leave, as I knew that I had no confidence in this. So I just cut off all contact, said cruel and hurtful things, pushed him away on purpose, alienated him so that he would leave me alone. Because it hurt too much to be friends, I thought it would be better to have no contact.

I was wrong. It was the stupidest decision of my life, because I find that not knowing someone well, can make you never get over them. The truth is, I don’t know him that well. What we had was short, it was over before I had a chance to see whether we were really good together, whether he was right for me. So all this time, even while I’ve had relationships with so many other guys, I always compare the new boys to one boy who I barely even knew, and they all fall short. Because his memory is so perfect, it’s so indestructible because it’s unfinished. I didn’t have time to discover his flaws, the little quirks that annoy, the arguments that break a couple a part. I didn’t give him a chance to show me that side of himself. All I have are the memories of that new, excited feeling. Of butterflies every time his fingers brushed my arm, of electric sparks every time we kissed, because it was so new, and unexpected and amazing. I have idealized this boy to the point where he is perfect in my eyes, and because of that, I can’t be satisfied with anyone else. But I can’t go back to him either, I cut off all ties, made it clear I never wanted to talk to him. He doesn’t know I think about him every day. He probably thinks he was completely insignificant, because I lied, and told him that he was. I swore I couldn’t care less. He has no idea. And I have no idea what it would be like to really be with him, have a real relationship with him, and I have to live with the fact that it is completely my fault. For being so proud, and so presumptuous to think I would get over him in two minutes. I never thought I’d hold on this long, to a ghost of a person. To an illusion of a person, that isn’t very likely a true reflection of him anyway.

And my advice to anyone reading this is, don’t let opportunities pass you by. Don’t dismiss people without thinking about how you may feel later. Don’t end something great, just because you think it would be too inconvenient to your life to let it continue. The truth is, everyone needs closure. Even if you do try something, and it’s difficult, and it ends, at least you know you tried. At least you know it was really the right decision to end it. You tried, and you failed. That’s okay, that’s something you’ll get over. But wondering, always wondering how it would have went if you had just let it happen, that’s torture. It’s the “what ifs” that keep me up at night. And the fact that he was strong enough to want me, to want to put up a fight for me, and I wasn’t strong enough to fight for him. And for the way I feel now, I have only myself to blame.

Desperate

2009-10-23T18:43:00.002+08:00

so i’m trying pretty hard to be perfect. perhaps perfect is too strong; mindful, considerate, eager to please, call it what you will.

don’t text too much because it comes across as desperate. never send two texts in a row for the same reason. no facebook chat every time he logs on, ‘cause that’s desperate too, as is ‘Liking’ everything he posts, so don’t do that either. remember not to ask when we’re seeing each other next because nonchalance is key, right? don’t sound to eager when he suggests doing something in the future, remember, nonchalance. when you’re out with other people, don’t demand his attention, he’s not there just for you. and don’t make an issue of him making friends with new girls, that’s asking for trouble, you don’t want to look jealous and insecure. when he wants to go to sleep before you do, don’t latch onto him because you’ll seem weak, needy, intense.

all these crazy rules i’ve made up in my head so you don’t see past this facade. i’m not nonchalant, i over-think everything. i can be intense, and i’m definitely jealous at times. but in essence, at the crux of all this overanalysation; i am insanely in love with you. i just wish you knew how far away i am from nonchalance.

I'm a girl.

2009-10-22T19:04:00.002+08:00

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

Impossible

2009-10-21T19:02:00.000+08:00

You can erase someone from your mind.

Getting them out of your head is another story

Writer

2009-09-27T16:23:00.000+08:00

I write and I read.

Welcome

2009-03-18T01:44:00.000+08:00

“Sorry Romeo, sun's in my eyes.”